


aching to find who they are

by preciousthings



Category: Crooked Media RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hockey, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Epistolary, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Tommy doesn't know how to feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-15 06:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18492841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciousthings/pseuds/preciousthings
Summary: He doesn’t know what his soulmark says, or who his soulmate is, and he’d like to say that he’s fine with it, but if Tommy’s being really honest, it’s a lot more complicated than that.--Washington Capitals@CapitalsTRADE ALERT: #ALLCAPS acquire D Tommy Vietor and G Ronan Farrow from Tampa Bay Lightning. RT to welcome@TVietor08and@RonanFarrowto Washington!





	aching to find who they are

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alotofthingsdifferent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alotofthingsdifferent/gifts).



> hello, alotofthingsdifferent! surprise, i’m your author. keeping this a secret was HARD but it totally paid off in the end. your prompts were all so delightful and i had a lot of fun playing around with all of your likes to create this! 
> 
> i have to give shoutouts to grace, ellie, and lotts, who are nicole, lizzie, and lutz, respectively. part of the fun of writing this was getting to include some of my friends too! also big thanks to tasha, mags and ki for reading this over as i wrote!

If he’s being honest, Tommy doesn’t care about soulmates that much.

He never really _got it_ , the whole idea of waiting around for someone that some _thing_ —be it the universe, or what-the-fuck-ever it is—decided was perfect for him and then just taking at face value the fact that this person he’s probably never met before is his literal, actual soulmate without knowing anything else.

He’s pretty open to the idea that he could meet and fall in love with _anyone_ no matter what his wrist says, so the whole soulmate thing doesn’t _have to_ matter.

It’s part of why he’s never seen his mark, has kept it hidden under a cuff since the day it came in. That, and tradition. It’s how he was brought up—in the NTDP, everyone covered theirs up. It’s just that he never stopped even when his teammates did.

He doesn’t know what his soulmark says, or who his soulmate is, and he’d like to say that he’s fine with it, but if Tommy’s being _really_ honest, it’s a lot more complicated than that.

Like—he’d be lying if he said that he’s never thought about the words on his wrist, about what words the universe decided would be _the words_ , the ones significant enough to the relationship between him and his soulmate. He’d be lying if he said that he’s never thought about who his soulmate is, or wondered if his soulmate has thought about _him_. He’s wondered if his soulmate has gotten tired of waiting, if his soulmate has said _fuck it_ and moved on completely from the idea of being with their soulmate. Tommy knows that he’s walking on thin ice here, treading a very fine line between this being okay and ruining his chances at ever being with his soulmate.

He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t want that in his life. He’s been around for long enough to see more than a handful of teammates find their soulmates; a lot of the younger players have been ditching the cuffs earlier or skipping that part completely. A few years ago, his rookie found her soulmate and Tommy saw firsthand how much finding that person changed Priyanka for the better after she’d decided to go for it and take her guard off. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t matter to him, even a little bit.

These are the best years of his life, and he’d be lying if he said that it wouldn’t be a lot better if there was someone—a partner, someone to love unconditionally, someone who loves him back in the same way—by his side through it all, but this is what he knows best at this point. He’s really good at being alone, and he swore to himself that on the day he hangs up his skates for good, he’d also hang up the guard for good and hopefully find that person, soulmark or not.

Now just isn’t the right time, not while he’s still playing. Tommy thinks that if he tells himself that enough times, he’ll believe it a little more.

 

 

 **Jon Lovett**  @jonlovett  
Hearing rumblings of a trade between Capitals and Lightning. Working on confirming that...

 

 **Washington Capitals** @Capitals  
TRADE ALERT: #ALLCAPS acquire D Tommy Vietor and G Ronan Farrow from Tampa Bay Lightning. RT to welcome  @TVietor08 and  @RonanFarrow to Washington!

 

 **Jon Lovett** @jonlovett  
So that's official, then: #ALLCAPS trade T.J. Oshie to the #GoBolts for d-man Tommy Vietor and goalie Ronan Farrow.

 

 **edgy bitch 🔒** @penaltyboxed  
UHHHHHHHHHH WHAT JUST HAPPENED???? NO NOPE NO!!! @ BOLTS PUT IT BACK

 

 **Tampa Bay Lightning** @TBLightning  
.@tvietor08, from your first goal as a rookie in the playoffs to your last in game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals, your passion for hockey, determination on ice, and dedication to making the world a better place off the ice made you an integral part of our Lightning family.  
|  
We thank you. Once a Bolt, always a Bolt.

 

🐝 🔒 @vietor_detour_  
guys i was away from my phone for five (5) minutes and TOMMY IS ON THE CAPS NOW?????!!!!! A N D WE GOT RONAN?!

 

lutz 🔒  @two_buck_chuck   
i don’t even go here but uh holy fuck? wellness check on my bolts tl, WELLNESS CHECK ON MY CAPS TL?????  
|  
🐝 🔒  @vietor_detour_  
THRIVING THANKS

 

 **text to: jon lovett**  
**text from: ronan farrow**  
holy shit

 

 **text to: ronan farrow**  
**text from: jon lovett**  
I KNOW

 

 

So, Tommy gets traded.

He packs up most of his life in Tampa and drives the 13 hours overnight with Lucca curled up in the passenger seat. It gives him a lot of time to think about everything, and by the time he’s crossing the Virginia state line, he realizes that he’s… a lot less upset about getting traded than he expected to be in a situation like this.

It’s just that—he’s already achieved every dream he had as a kid, when the NHL seemed so far out of reach that maybe he’d never get there at all. He sort of unexpectedly got nominated for, and won the Lady Byng during his sophomore season. Two seasons ago, he got a lot of recognition for volunteer work he did around voter registration drives. He had a career season at 26 and then topped that last season at 27. And then there was the pinnacle of all of the hard work it took to get there and of all the things Tommy wouldn’t even dare dreaming about when he was younger, like even just dreaming about it would somehow make it never happen—last season, Tommy became a Stanley Cup Champion.

He knows it’s typical for teams to shed some salary the season after they win The Cup, and he’s going into the summer as a free agent. He’d sort of prepared for the possibility that it’d be him on the move, and now that it’s finally happened, the only surprising thing about it is how early it happens. It’s barely November. He thought he’d have a little bit more time, but still, it’s not the most difficult thing in the world to leave and he thinks he knows why.

Having a soulmate—or even just a partner in Tampa would make it nearly impossible to leave.

(He thinks about Ronan, who’s been in a long distance relationship with his soulmate for a full year now. His soulmate is a beat reporter for the Capitals, and their paths crossed at the big press day in New York last October. Ronan talks about _knowing immediately_ and _just having a good feeling_ when they met.

Tommy thinks about Ronan, and how easy it must be for him to leave here, too, but for completely different reasons. For Ronan, his _soulmate_ is waiting at his destination.

For Tommy, D.C. is just a destination.)

 

 

Adjusting is easy enough. He finds an apartment he likes, he already knows a few of his new teammates who are actually old teammates he’s reuniting with, including Priyanka—his old rookie and the best d-partner he’s ever played with. He’s playing good fucking hockey, which was kind of the point of this whole trade, Tommy figures, but it still feels good to be winning more than losing, to be a fairly consistent name on the scoring sheet.

It isn’t until Thanksgiving comes and goes that Tommy realizes he hasn’t even really gotten a chance to explore his new city. He’d been so preoccupied with moving in and unpacking, getting into a routine, that he hasn’t actually taken in anything about D.C. that makes it unique from any other city in the country.

He gets up on a day off, determined to do something that requires leaving his apartment, and goes downtown. He doesn’t actually know where _anything_ is beyond the directions from the rinks to his apartment and back, so he relies on the Maps app on his phone just to get an idea of what he’s near.

 

 **text to: priyanka aribindi** **  
** are you doing anything today? i realized i still haven’t really done anything here

 **text from: priyanka aribindi** **  
** yeah i’m hanging out with an out of town friend who’s visiting :( go to a museum! i know you’re a nerd lol

 **text to: priyanka aribindi**  
any suggestions?

 **text from: priyanka aribindi** **  
** american history

 

After consulting Maps again, it seems like the American History museum is literally right in front of him, which is convenient. Priyanka is right: he _is_ a nerd.  And because of that, a museum really does seem like the best way to get to know his new city.

It’s silly, but Tommy forgot how much he loves museums, the way you can just wander around and lose yourself reading inscriptions and descriptions. He realizes after walking through an entire wing that he hasn’t even checked his phone once. At risk of sounding old, it’s nice to disconnect and not spend the entire day glued to his phone.

So it’s perfect irony that, as he’s facing a display, moving sideways with it to read descriptions and look at artifacts, he walks right into someone and knocks that person’s phone to the ground.

Tommy bends down to pick it up immediately—hockey reflexes—and when he straightens back up, the owner of the phone looks more amused than anything else.

“Hey, at least it’s not cracked,” Tommy laughs, handing the phone back. The guy laughs, thank _god_ , because it could have been very awkward otherwise. “Sorry about that, I was just—”

“I get it,” the guy says. He’s smiling at Tommy, this big, bright smile, and Tommy’s completely weak for it. Get it together, Vietor, it means absolutely nothing.

“No big deal. My phone didn’t shatter. Wouldn’t have been a big deal even if it did, it was my fault for not paying attention,” the guy adds.

“I wasn’t paying attention either, or I was paying too much attention to everything but my surroundings. Whatever, I’m just glad I didn’t crack your phone,” he says, and then, because this guy is kind of cute and he has nothing to lose, he says, “I’m Tommy.”

If this guy is straight, whatever, at least Tommy can say he tried.

“I know,” the guys says, a little too quickly. “Sorry, that was—we’ve actually played together before. I’m not expecting you to remember that, but I’m also not going to play dumb when I clearly know who you are.”

“We’ve played together? When?”

“U17 Worlds. It was a while ago, so like I said, I’m not expecting you to remember, but—”

“What’s your name?” Tommy asks, because he thinks he might remember now, thinks this might be—

“Jon, uh, Favreau.”

And suddenly, Tommy understands why he’s blushing a little.

“Holy shit,” Tommy says under his breath.

“I don’t typically get that kind of reaction,” Jon says, and he smiles a little sheepishly.

“You, like, disappeared. I was expecting you to be back for U18, and then you weren’t.”

“I’m surprised you remember me at all, honestly.”

“C’mon, Jon,” Tommy says. “You were one of the best centers I’ve ever played with. And there was the other stuff, too. I didn’t forget.”

“Funny coincidence that we ended up back in the same city after all this time,” Jon says.

“It’s really good to see you.”

“Do you want to, um—walk around the museum with me for a little while?” Jon asks.

“Yeah, definitely,” Tommy says. As much as he liked walking around on his own, it’ll be nice to spend some time with someone else, who isn’t a teammate, but an old friend who feels new to him.

 

 

(U17 is a fucking whirlwind.

It’s one thing to just _be there_ , wearing red, white and blue, representing his country on the world stage, and a completely different thing to win it all, but he’s standing on the ice with a gold medal around his neck because they _won._

And then there’s Favs—

Tommy doesn’t know how it’s taken this long for him to share the same ice with Favs, finally wearing the same jersey as him. He’s fucking _good_. Faster than Tommy ever expected him to be with the way he skates. He’s skilled, and his passes are perfect, and—

Favs isn’t straight, and he doesn’t care who knows it, and Tommy doesn’t think he’s ever wanted to have someone else’s courage so badly in his life.

They win gold, and there’s only one more thing Tommy needs to do now after all of the celebrating is over.

“Hey, Favs,” Tommy says, once they’re back in the hotel room they’ve been sharing for the tournament.

“Yeah?”

“Can I talk to you about something?”

“Is everything okay?” Jon says, sitting down on the edge of his bed, facing Tommy. Somehow, there’s a lot more pressure this way, with Jon looking at him like this, so earnest and genuine.

“Yeah, definitely. It’s just—” Tommy starts, but he can’t figure out where to go from there.

So, leaning across the space between both of their beds and kissing Favs is the way to go about that. Naturally.

Tommy’s never kissed a guy before, but he’s thought about it. He’s been thinking about it a lot lately.

Kissing Favs isn’t really different, it just—makes a lot of things a lot more clear, now.

“I think I like guys,” Tommy says, once he pulled back and sat back down on his bed.

“I know a thing or two about that,” Favs says.

“Is it supposed to feel earth shattering?”

“What?” Favs asks.

“When you finally figure it out, is it supposed to feel earth shattering? Because this doesn’t.”

“I don’t know if I’d say it feels earth shattering. I think it feels right. Like, maybe you didn’t even realize something was off, or missing, but everything feels so much more _right_ once you know.”

Tommy nods. It feels right.

“Do you think your soulmate is a guy?” Tommy asks, pointing at Favs’ guarded wrist.

“I like to think so. I really can’t see it being any other way,” Favs says, fidgeting with the guard a little, twirling it around his wrist. “I trust that like, I know this is a thing for me, and the universe will know that. Do you think yours is?”

“I’ve given so little thought to it. I really don’t know,” Tommy says.

“We’re not expected to have it all together right now.”

“You seem to, though.”

Favs shrugs. “Depends on the day.”

“Favs?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you again?”

Favs nods, so Tommy leans in.)

 

 

“I didn’t expect you to be so into this stuff,” Jon says, as they’re rounding a corner toward the museum’s exit. “I can’t think of many hockey players who would willingly spend their day off in a museum.”

“Priyanka, um, one of my teammates—she called me out earlier for being a nerd,” Tommy says.

“She’s right.”

“What the hell, dude,” Tommy jokes.

“Again, you spent your day off at a museum. And you even tolerated my rambling. You, Tommy Hockey, are a nerd.”

“Fine, think that all you want.”

The sun is setting when they step outside, and Tommy feels a little bit like an outsider again, dropped in the middle of a city he has to call home now, without even the slightest idea of what else is around him right now.

“I had fun today,” Jon says. “Glad I ran into you. Or, uh, you ran into me.”

“Me too. I really enjoyed this,” Tommy says. “Are you doing anything now, or did you want to like—I don’t know, I feel like I need to explore the city more with someone who’s lived here for longer than I have.”

“I actually have plans in a little while, but I definitely want to hang out with you again. Raincheck on the exploring? I can show you around a little bit more next time.”

Tommy nods. “I’d like that.

“Give me your phone,” Jon says, holding out his hand.

Tommy takes his phone out of his pocket and unlocks it before handing it over to Jon.

Jon types something into it quickly. “Here,” he says, handing Tommy’s phone back. “You have my number now. Text me when you have a day off and you’re looking for something to do.”

"Sounds good."

"I'll see you around, Tommy."

 

 

 **nicole!** 🔮 🔒  @nhlaribindi  
holy shit okay i have a STORY for y'all omg  
|  
i had to go to the smithsonian museum of american history today for my thesis and after i left the archives i decided to hang out cause my class got cancelled WHATEVER ANYWAY  
|  
i saw tommy vietor in 3w (the sports and entertainment wing)????? he spent his day off at a museum????  
|  
he genuinely seemed so interested in everything?? i wasn't trying to be a creep cause i had my caps hat on lmao  
|  
he was also with this guy who seemed A LOT more interested in tommy than he did in the museum's collection so 👀  
|  
i have no idea who he was but he was kind of adorable? anyway tommy hockey is a nerd thanks for coming to my ted talk !!!!

 

 

Tommy looks at Jon’s number for a whole day, contemplating whether or not he should text. He’s not sure why it takes him so long, but he writes and rewrites and deletes messages, opens and closes his contacts enough times that Ronan puts his phone on the other side of his living room for the time being. Ronan was in the middle of telling Tommy about how he and Lovett were planning on going forward as soulmates with this big of a conflict of interest happening fairly out of nowhere.

Tommy knows it’s been a rough few weeks for Ronan as they tried to figure out what their best options are. The situation that they’re in is so rare, for a reporter to be directly covering his soulmate’s team.

“What are you _doing_?” Ronan asks. “You won’t stop staring at your phone.”

“I’m trying to decide if I should text someone,” Tommy says. “Give me my phone back.”

“Did you meet someone?”

“Can I please have my phone back?”

“What’s their name, Tom?”

“His name is Jon. Can you finish telling me about _your_ Jon so I can have my phone back?” Tommy sighs.

“Wait, another Jon?”

“He’s just a friend,” Tommy says. “I met him yesterday.”

“You wouldn’t be obsessively staring at your phone if he was just a friend,” Ronan says.

“Can you please finish your story now?”

“Yeah,” Ronan says. “So he went to HR, and they said it wasn’t really a situation that had ever come up here specifically, and since he went to HR, pretending we’ve never been anything at all isn't an option anymore—”

“Wait,” Tommy interrupts. “You were going to pretend you never dated him, or knew he was your soulmate, or anything?”

Ronan nods. “If it meant a few years of this before the rest of our lives together, I was willing to do it. I love him enough to have done that. Jon wanted to quit his job when I first got traded, and I couldn’t let him do that because of me. I’m just going to stop hiding. There’s no issue if we’re honest about it.”

Ronan wears a wristguard. It’s just like Tommy’s, except it comes off easier. Tommy knows he’s taken his off before, once the day he met Lovett, and for basically the whole offseason after they met. It’s not a secret except for the places that it is one, and in the rink, it’s as much of a secret as it can be.

He undoes the velcro on the guard, and it comes off easily. He lifts his arm and Tommy can see the word—" _unbelievable_ ”—dark black letters standing out against the paleness of his skin. It’s not specific enough that it would point toward Lovett more than any random person, but Tommy’s met Lovett enough times to know that Ronan’s mark is perfectly him.

“I’m happy for you guys,” Tommy says. “That you get to live together and be in the same city and everything.”

The front door of the apartment opens and Lovett walks in before Ronan can respond. He kisses Ronan hello, and it’s the sweetest fucking thing, like, seeing them together is consistently almost enough to make Tommy want to find his soulmate now. _Almost_.

“Hi, Tommy,” Lovett nods in Tommy’s direction. Tommy gives him a wave. “One of my friends was talking about you earlier.”

“Yeah?”

Lovett nods. “Said he ran into you at a Smithsonian yesterday.”

“Wait, you know—”

“Are you talking about someone named Jon?” Ronan asks, amused.

“Favreau, yeah,” Lovett says.

“Tommy’s mystery Jon is _Favs_?” Ronan asks, laughing.

“You know him?” Tommy asks.

“We used to work together at the Post. He’s one of my best friends,” Lovett says.

“I met him when I was a kid,” Tommy says. “We played against each other a lot growing up.”

“He played hockey?” Lovett asks.

“Until college,” Tommy nods. “He was really fucking good, too.”

“Tommy has been staring at his phone for like, an hour trying to decide if he should text Favs,” Ronan says.

“You should text him,” Lovett says.

“I will whenever your boyfriend gives me my phone back,” Tommy says, glaring at Ronan.

“Fine,” Ronan says, holding out the phone. Tommy snatches it from him and opens up the messages app again.

 

 

 **text to: Jon Favreau**  
hey, it’s tommy  
from yesterday, sorry  
do you want to get dinner one night next week?

 **text from: Jon Favreau** **  
** hi! i didn’t forget you, lol  
dinner sounds great. let me know when you have a night off?

 **text to: Jon Favreau**  
i’m going to be in canada for the next three days. when i get back from this trip?

 **text from:** **Jon Favreau**  
sounds good, name a time and place and i’ll be there

 **text to: Jon Favreau**  
how about i pick a time and you name the place because i still don’t really know where anything is

 **text from: Jon Favreau**  
i’ll text you an address day of!

 

 

It’s been a long time since the last time Tommy was this excited to meet someone for dinner. It’s _just_ dinner, he keeps reminding himself. It’s most likely not a date. Surely Jon would have said something if it was, right? Either way, Tommy’s determined to make this work out, whether they stay just friends or act on stuff from the past, because he really does need more friends in Washington, and Jon is a good one to have.

He finds the address Jon texted him easily enough, but parking in Georgetown is a lot less simple. He manages, and feels vaguely triumphant as he rounds the corner to the restaurant Jon suggested. He’s there already, waiting outside for Tommy.

“Hey,” Tommy says, smiling. He holds the door to the restaurant open for Jon.

“Hi,” Jon says. “Good game last night. I watched it.”

“You still watch hockey?” Tommy asks, once they’ve been seated and looked through their menus..

Jon shrugs. “Sometimes. I watch a little more often now, because I know Farrow pretty well through his partner.”

“I know his partner, too. The other day when I texted you, I was actually at their apartment. Lovett told me that he knew you. He was the one who told me to text you.”

“Were you—not going to? Until he told you to?” Jon asks.

“I was a little more nervous about texting you than I’m willing to admit,” Tommy says. He’s thankful for the dim lighting in the restaurant because it hides the way he’s blushing a bright red.

After they order, Jon looks across the table at Tommy. “So, tell me about you, Tommy Vietor.”

“I mean—there’s not a ton to know? I’m a defenseman. Born and raised in Boston, I lived in Tampa for most of my 20’s until now—”

“You’re giving me media answers,” Jon says. “I would know. I was media trained at 16.”

“What else do you want to know? I was a poli-sci major in college, and I still care about that a lot, even though I was by no means the best student.”

“I was a poli-sci major too,” Jon says. “I work in politics.”

“‘kay, so tell me about you, Jon Favreau.”

“I moved to D.C. right out of college, and my first job was fact-checking. That’s where I met Lovett. I wrote op-eds for a little while there too. I was a speechwriter on a senator’s election campaign, which went really well, actually, but me and a co-worker from the campaign left as soon as the transition ended. We host a podcast now, and I freelance a little bit with writing. Unconventional jobs have always worked for me, and I love what i’m doing now, so,” Jon shrugs. “It’s super rewarding in a way that I found working in regular media couldn’t really be. I’m allowed to have biases when I’m doing stuff independently, and I’ve been able to volunteer on campaigns, and—sorry I’m rambling.”

Tommy shakes his head. “It’s fine. You clearly care a lot about this.”

“I really do. I couldn’t think of a better thing to be doing right now,” Jon says.

“Not even hockey? Why did you stop?”

“It’s—I don’t really want to talk about that?” Jon says, hesitantly. “Am I proud of everything that I did while I played? Sure I am, but it’s not really who I am anymore.”

“I understand that,” Tommy says. “I mean, I really don’t know who I am if I don’t connect myself to hockey, so I kind of get it? I’m really not sure what else I can tell you about that doesn’t sound like I’ve been media trained or can’t be Googled, you know? I guess I have a soulmate, but for all I know, I could have met them and they could be out of my life by now, completely by my own choice. I have a chocolate labradoodle, and I love her more than anything.”

“I have a mini goldendoodle,” Jon says, unlocking his phone. He pulls up a picture of his dog to show Tommy. “His name is Leo.”

“He’s adorable. I love him already,” Tommy says, smiling. He unlocks his phone to show Jon a picture. “This is Lucca.”

“There’s a dog park around here that I like taking Leo to. We should go one day. Leo’s friendly enough that I’m sure he’d get along with Lucca.”

“Lucca would like that. I would too, actually. I don’t really do much besides my job? I don’t know if I made that clear, but I literally don’t have a single non-hockey friend in this town,” Tommy says.

“You have, but if I haven’t made this clear, I’d be happy to be one of your non-hockey friends,” Jon says. “I get needing a break from it. I really do.”

“Thanks, man,” Tommy says.

It isn’t long until their food comes, but they’re there for another two hours just talking. It’s so easy to talk to Jon about pretty much anything. Jon doesn’t say more about his hockey past, and he doesn’t push Tommy to talk about soulmate stuff at all, but they talk more about their dogs, and Boston, and sports, and Jon tells Tommy more about D.C.

If this actually was a first date, it’s the best one Tommy’s ever been on. If it wasn’t, well, he still had a fucking great time.

 

 

From there, it’s just—good.

It’s really good.

He doesn’t know how someone he just met can so perfectly slot himself into all the parts of Tommy’s life that matters, like—

Texting sometimes turns into texting all the time turns into taking their dogs to the dog park, and lunches after Tommy’s practices, and nights in when Tommy is around, and—

December turns into January, and they aren’t a couple, but it’s really hard not to feel like they could be headed that way. Their kiss hasn’t come up at all, but Tommy isn’t imagining the way Jon looks at him sometimes.

Then something changes, and Tommy can’t even pinpoint what, or why, or when, but he pretty much always wants to kiss Jon now. He definitely isn’t imagining the way he feels most of the time when he’s around Jon.

It’s kind of a funny thing, to finally fall for the person who made you realize it was possible to feel this sort of way.

And now, Tommy realizes, he has no idea what he’s going to do about it.

It’s never been easy to date as someone who fully intends on hopefully finding his soulmate _one_ day, just not _today_. He knows Jon stopped wearing a guard once he stopped playing, but still, Jon keeps the words on his wrist to himself, hidden under a watch or sleeves most days.. Talking about his guard is the most Jon’s really talked about playing so far and Tommy won’t push. He’s just not sure _if_ Jon would date someone who, at the end of the day, has a soulmate that might not be him.

He definitely wouldn’t be the first person to feel like it might not be worth it, and he might not be the last. But still, Tommy can’t even find it in him to _try_ and find out. Jon has come to mean a lot to Tommy over the past few months, and to risk throwing all of that away on something that could completely ruin their friendship doesn’t feel right.

In the end, all of that agonizing is mostly for nothing, because Jon kisses Tommy first.

It doesn’t come out of nowhere when Tommy thinks about how the rest of the night had gone. He should have known when dinner lasted a little longer than usual, and how long they spent walking around afterwards. He should have known when Jon parked his car near Tommy’s apartment building instead of just letting Tommy out and saying goodnight there. It wasn’t just dinner, it was a _date_.

“I had fun tonight,” Tommy says, stepping off the elevator on his floor.

“Always do with you,” Jon says. They stop in front of Tommy’s apartment, and Tommy is about to put his key in the lock when Jon leans in and kisses him. He can _feel_ how nervous Jon must be, because the kiss is tentative, but Tommy is all in.

If Tommy said it was anything less than completely electrifying, he’d be lying.

“I, uh,” Jon starts, and then he pauses, hesitates a bit. “I couldn’t leave you tonight without doing that.”

“I’m glad you did,” Tommy says, smiling. “I’m _really_ glad you did.”

“Can I do that again?”

“Do you want to come in, maybe?” Tommy asks, a little nervously. Jon reaches out and takes Tommy’s free hand, apparently his way of saying yes. Tommy unlocks the door with a shaky hand, and barely has time to close the door behind them before Jon is pushing him against the nearest wall to kiss him.

It doesn’t last long, because Lucca hears them come in and she’s pawing at their knees for attention. Jon breaks the kiss, punctuating it with a short kiss, before bending down to pet Lucca.

“Hey, girl,” he says, in that voice he tends to slip into when he’s talking to a dog. “Someone’s happy to see me, isn’t she? I’m happy to see you too.”

It’s the cutest fucking thing Tommy has ever seen, and he’s gone, gone, gone. Kissing was great, but so is this, and they still have all night.

 

 

 **Jon Lovett** @jonlovett  
#ALLCAPS defender  @TVietor08 spotted this weekend helping with door-to-door support for MD special election. Not a surprising move for the former poli-sci major. Said it felt good to be in the community helping make a difference.

  
**Jon Favreau** @jonfavs  
The pro athlete could barely keep up with me RT @jonlovett #ALLCAPS defender @TVietor08 spotted this weekend…  
|  
**Tommy Vietor** @TVietor08  
we weren’t skating from house to house

 

🐝 🔒  @vietor_detour_  
#uspoli tl - i’ve resisted long enough please tell me everything you know about jon favreau  
|  
**lutz** 🔒  @two_buck_chuck  
JON FAVREAU HAS A VERY EARNEST FACE WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANNA KNOW  
|  
he's a beautiful man with a beautiful dog and a huge crush on president barack obama

 

 

So, a few things are different now. Like, sometimes Jon will kiss Tommy instead of saying hello, and sometimes Tommy will reach for Jon’s hand without a second thought. It’s been a few weeks of alternating between each other’s apartments, and the only times Tommy’s slept alone recently are nights when he’s on the road. It’s barely been a month, but Tommy felt the impact of their changed relationship instantly.

Tommy finds himself texting Jon about what he wants for dinner the next night while he’s buying groceries without a second thought. This is just kind of how it is now. They text about work, and taking the dogs out, and it’s so familiar at this point, so intertwined with the rest of Tommy’s routine.

Things are different, but they’re really good. It’s the first relationship he’s been in since the season before the Cup, and this feels so much more real than that one ever did, even if they’re not labeling it as what it is right now.

(That was a much easier conversation than Tommy had ever expected it to be.

“I have a lot of fun with you, like, all the time,” he had said. “But I don’t know what my soulmark says, and you do, so if that’s going to be an issue for you, we don’t have to continue this. I’ve been here enough times to know that that’s typically how it goes.”

“How about,” Jon started, pausing to kiss Tommy. “We deal with that when we have to, and live in the now for right now. I’m having fun, too. I don’t care that you don’t know who your soulmate is.”

“If you ever change your mind, though,” Tommy said.

“Like I said, we’ll deal with that if we have to.”

“Thank you,” Tommy said. He leaned in and kissed Jon, trying to convey just how much he meant it.)

 

 

Tommy gets back from a week long swing through western Canada and the midwest late enough that he expects Jon to be asleep, so he figures he’s just going back to his own apartment, but when he turns his phone back on, a text from Jon comes through.

 

 **text from: jon** **  
** andy and molly are out of town so you can park in their spot, i checked with them **  
** i’ll probably be in bed when you get back but i left the door unlocked for you  
lock it when you get in?  
see you in a little bit!

 **text to: jon**  
just landed, see you soon

 

Tommy doesn’t, like, speed to get to Jon’s place, but he’s definitely 5 above the speed limit, maybe 10. It’s a new feeling, to have someone he misses this much during roadies. Driving to Jon’s apartment is familiar at this point, muscle memory just like driving back to his own place is. He parks in the driveway like Jon says and gathers his stuff out of the backseat. From outside, the entire house looks dark. All of the lights in Jon’s upstairs apartment are off.

The neighborhood is quiet, and in this weird, new way, Tommy feels a little bit at home here. His chest feels warm at that, a little tight, but the good kind—he’s overwhelmed by how drastically different this is from anything he’d imagined his life in D.C. would be.

He takes the stairs up two at a time and pushes Jon’s door open quietly to not wake him up in the case that he’d fallen asleep. Tommy almost hopes he did, because it’s late and—

“Tommy?” Jon calls out from the bedroom.

“Hi, Jon,” Tommy says in response. He toes off his shoes next to Jon’s and drops his bag next to the couch on his way to the bedroom.

Jon is sitting up in bed, illuminated by his phone screen, when Tommy walks into the dark room.

“Hi,” Tommy says again, kneeling on his side of the bed to lean across and kiss Jon. “What are you up to?”

“Twitter,” Jon says, rolling his eyes.

“You’re addicted.”

Jon locks his phone, and the room darkens because of it. “Come to bed.”

“Almost ready,” Tommy says, halfway out of the suit he’d flown in. He disappears into the bathroom to brush his teeth, and when he gets back, Jon is lying down. Tommy crawls into bed next to him and settles against Jon’s chest.

“Hey,” Jon says quietly.

“Hey yourself,” Tommy says. “Can I ask you something?”

“Depends on the question,” Jon answers. “And only if I can ask you something, too.”

“Why did you stop playing hockey?”

The room is quiet, a stillness around them that’s palpable. Tommy knows he crossed a line, this boundary that they’d created early on, before anyone had kissed anyone, and he’s barely expecting Jon to answer but it felt like time.

“It’s complicated,” Jon says, eventually. “Or, maybe not. I don’t know, I was 17, and I knew it was time to call it.”

“I can’t imagine having to make that choice,” Tommy says. “That’s such a huge thing.”

“I agonized over it for a long time, but I knew I had to do what was best for me in the long run, not just best for me in the immediate future. Playing hockey wasn’t the only thing I wanted out of life, and I felt like at that point, if I kept playing, it would become the only thing in my life, for the rest of my life,” Jon says.

“That couldn’t have been an easy realization,” Tommy says.

“It wasn’t. I would second guess myself all the time, wondering if turning down NCAA offers was the right choice, but now? I know I made the right choice. Hockey was taking a toll on me, even if I was 17 and dumb, and not ready to admit that. Physically, I had a nagging problem with my knee that wasn’t really healing no matter what I did, and I almost think that I didn’t really even notice the emotional toll at all until I looked back on it.”

“Were guys ever, like, shitty toward you? Is that what you mean by taking an emotional toll?”

“Because I was out? Probably. I mean, I never really felt like I was the closest guy to anyone on any of my teams. I had really close friends, but still was sort of an outcast in bigger groups. Was that intentional? Who knows, maybe it was,” Jon says. “Everything is so good now that I’m done with, like, living in my past.”

“I always admired you for always being yourself,” Tommy says.

“I remember,” Jon says.

“That, um, that time we talked in U17—it helped me a lot,” Tommy says. They’ve been _something_ for enough time that they should have brought that night up, but it’s the first time either of them explicitly do. It feels like a long time coming.

“And look at where we are now,” Jon says, and Tommy can’t see him, but he knows Jon is smiling right now, can hear it in his voice. “All these years later.”

“I was so confused when you didn’t come back for U18,” Tommy says. “I really liked playing with you, but we’d kissed, and I—I just wanted to see you again.”

“Took a little while, but you did see me again,” Jon says. Tommy twists around and leans up to kiss Jon.

“Thank you for being so honest,” Tommy says. “You didn’t have to tell me any of that.”

“Felt like it was about time I did,” Jon says. “Can I ask you something now?”

“Go for it.”

“Do you ever wonder about your soulmark?” Jon asks.

Like when Tommy asked Jon his question, the room is still and quiet. This question feels loaded, and Tommy’s answer can have implications that affect what they have now, and the possibility of whatever this can become in the future. Tommy _knows_ the answer, but it’s complicated.

“The short answer: yes, all the time.”

“Is there a long answer?” Jon throws his arm across Tommy’s chest to hold him closer. He laces their fingers together, the arm where his mark is, and gently rubs circles on the top of Tommy’s hand.

“Yeah. It’s changed over time. When I’m with someone, there are usually periphery thoughts about, like, what if they’re my soulmate? And then we’d stop seeing each other, and I’d always be pretty sure that they weren’t my soulmate, but a part of me would still wonder if maybe that person would end up being the one that got away. And when I’m single, I’m constantly thinking about if I fucked myself over by waiting this long, because maybe my soulmate got tired of waiting for me. What if I met them, and didn’t think anything of it, you know? But now I’m with you, and it’s the first time that I’ve seriously considered what I’m actually doing here. I’ve been thinking so much about what could actually be underneath this thing, more than I ever have before.”

“Do you want to stop wearing it? Is that something you’ve thought about?” Jon asks, after a second.

“I’ve thought about it. I really don’t know. I wish I was sure about what it might say, but I think I’m scared of what I’d find,” Tommy says. “My problem is that I think I know what I want it to be. And if I look, and it isn’t that—it’s like I’d be setting myself up to be disappointed. I know that I don’t _have_ to end up with my soulmate, but there’s the pressure of being expect to, y’know.”

He hopes that Jon gets it, that when he says he thinks he knows what he wants it to be, he means he wants it to be Jon.

“It could say what you want it to,” Jon says.

“From where I’m standing, it feels like a lose-lose situation,” Tommy says. “I’m really happy right now, so I don’t want to fuck with that. Like you said, living in the now right now. This is the best that I can give right now, Jon. It’s always been all I could give.”

“It’s enough,” Jon says, quietly. He kisses the back of Tommy neck, his shoulder blade, the top of his head. “I’m sorry if I came off like I was pushing you to take your guard off.”

“I understand,” Tommy says. “This is unconventional, but it’s working right now. And the last thing I want to do is change that.”

“Then we don’t have to change it,” Jon says.

“Thank you,” Tommy says. He twists around in Jon’s arms so they’re facing each other. “I’m glad we were able to talk about that.”

“Thanks for being honest. You didn’t have to be.”

“You were when I asked you, so,” Tommy says.

“No more big secrets now,” Jon says.

“Good idea,” Tommy says, yawning around the words.

“Time for bed,” Jon says. “G’night, Tom.”

Tommy closes his eyes, and it’s easy to fall asleep there, in Jon’s bed, in Jon’s arms. It’s the best sleep he’s gotten in a week, and he stays asleep well into the morning, until both of their dogs jump onto the bed to wake him at Jon’s command.

He could see every morning being like this.  

 

 

 **nicole!** 🔮 🔒  @nhlaribindi  
so jon favreau (museum guy for those who are unaware) was definitely at the game tonight, and he was DEFINITELY wearing a vietor jersey  
|  
do with that what you will, hockey twitter  
|  
🐝 🔒  @vietor_detour_  
YOU’RE JOKING  
|  
**nicole!** 🔮 🔒  @nhlaribindi  
would i joke about this lizzie!!!! would i!!!!

 

 

 **Jon Favreau** @jonfavs   
Double doodle days [ http://pic.twitter.com/189423024723075](https://66.media.tumblr.com/e3066c963b9b236f3d7bac4987dba653/tumblr_pq2rpggAwk1uisfaso1_540.png)  
|  
**Tommy Vietor** @tvietor08  
She’s jealous :( [http://pic.twitter.com/18924093294835](https://66.media.tumblr.com/9c5f79d83aa877cd333d92b690f6a658/tumblr_pq2rpggAwk1uisfaso2_540.png)  
|  
**Jon Lovett** @jonlovett   
Aren’t you on a roadie right now? So that isn’t even a new picture #fakenews  
|  
**Tommy Vietor** @tvietor08  
This isn’t amateur hour. I had my dogsitter take the picture.  
|  
**Jon Favreau** @jonfavs  
(It’s me, I’m the dogsitter)  
|  
**Jon Lovett** @jonlovett  
COLLUSION

 

 

Lovett stops Tommy on his way out of the practice arena one morning. It’s not exactly random, considering they’ve become pretty good friends since meeting. Having mutual friends definitely helped with that.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah?” Tommy replies, a little suspicious. Lovett spends enough time with Jon that Tommy is wondering what he does and doesn’t know. He’s pretty sure Jon wouldn’t tell him anything, but then again, Tommy has known Lovett to be persistent about pretty much everything.

“My editor pitched something that she wants me to write, and I wanted to run it by you before I sent any other emails or made it official. Apparently people on the internet are very interested in you and Favreau’s friendship, so she wants me to write a feature on it,” Lovett explains. “Nothing extravagant, just talking about how you knew each other as kids, and you’re close again now.”

“Sounds good to me, just run it by Jon,” Tommy says. “I don’t think he’ll have a problem with it.”

“I’ll let you know details once Jon confirms, but I think it’ll be a really good piece,” Lovett says.

Tommy nods, but Lovett's already throwing a "see you later!" at him as he walks out, and Tommy feels like he has whiplash from the quickness of the conversation. He's itching to text Jon, so he pulls out his phone and shoots him one.

 

 **text to: jon** **  
** just had the weirdest conversation with lovett, lmk when you hear from him

 

He’s not suspicious, he has no right to be, but something in him says this is simultaneously bad but good. He figures, why not, and lets it happen.

 

 

 **text from: Jon Lovett** **  
** **to: me, jon** **  
** remember we’re meeting at 11am for the feature tomorrow!

 **text from: jon** **  
** **to: me, Jon Lovett** **  
** i’ll be there, taking bets on whether or not tommy will be awake in time

 **text from: me** **  
** **to: jon, Jon Lovett** **  
** i set my alarm, thank you very much

 

 

 **Jon Lovett** @jonlovett  
An unlikely friendship between #ALLCAPS @TVietor08 and @ki1600’s @jonfavs has roots in both of their pasts. My column at @TheAthleticDC: theathletic.com/937203/2019/02/09/tommy-and-jon

 

#  **Tommy and Jon: A look into an unlikely friendship between a hockey player and one of the freshest voices in politics**

Jon Lovett - 02/09/19

“He always thinks he’s right.”

“That’s because I usually am.”

At first glance, the two men sitting across from each other at an Arlington cafe look like they’ve been close friends for years. In a way, they have been, but that’s not entirely the case.

For new Washington Capitals defenseman Tommy Vietor, the friendship is offering him a refreshing perspective on life outside of hockey. For Jon Favreau, a political podcaster and editorialist, it’s unlocking a side of himself that he hasn’t seen in quite some time.

For both men, it’s like reconnecting with their pasts.

Vietor and Favreau both grew up outside of Boston. As kids, they played on different teams in the same area league, and became familiar with each other through years of games and tournaments. They attended rival schools and competed against each other again in USHS-Prep League play. There, they both caught national recognition as 16-year-olds and were integral parts of a United States roster to take home gold at the World Under-17 Hockey Challenge.

“It’s funny,” Vietor said. “I had known of Jon for years, but we were only actually on the same team once. We really clicked at U17, and then he disappeared.”

Favreau didn’t actually disappear; he gave up playing hockey at 17. The sport is rarely a point of conversation in his life anymore, especially when it comes to why he stopped playing, though he says he and Vietor have had a few conversations about it.

“It’s not some deep, emotional backstory,” Favreau said. “It was taking a toll on me, and I couldn’t picture making hockey the only thing in my life for the rest of my life anymore.”

It was politics that would eventually spark the same joy in Favreau that hockey once did. While Vietor was getting drafted and playing Division 1 hockey, Favreau was attending the College of the Holy Cross, where he majored in political science, and, admittedly, continued to play hockey.

“I was on a club team at school for my last three years,” Favreau said. “I realized after my freshman year that I couldn’t completely give it up.”

“I’ve been trying to get him back out on the ice, even if it’s just skating laps,” Vietor said. In response, Favreau rolled his eyes. These kinds of exchanges are common now, comfortable after only a few months of rekindled friendship.

The different paths Favreau and Vietor took continued to diverge after Favreau graduated from Holy Cross. He moved to Washington D.C. and began working as a fact-checker at the Washington Post. Vietor was making a name for himself in the NHL with the team that drafted him, the Tampa Bay Lightning.

They wouldn’t cross again until last November when Vietor, coming off a career season, was traded to the Capitals along with goalie Ronan Farrow in the final year of a contract.

Their first encounter in this new chapter of their lives? A chance meeting at a museum when Vietor walked into Favreau.

“I joked about not cracking his phone when he dropped it, and we started talking after that,” Vietor explained.

(“He’s a giant nerd,” Favreau said, when Vietor got up to order another coffee. “Don’t tell him I told you that, though.”)

Favreau knew who Vietor was immediately, as both an old acquaintance and someone who isn’t exactly unknown in this city. Vietor admits he didn’t catch on as quickly, but once he did, he remembered a lot about Favreau after Favreau reintroduced himself.

“He was always a really good player. I remember him being really fast, and one of the best passers I’ve ever played with,” Vietor said. “Off the ice, I remember him being very open and unapologetic. He still is, really. I don’t think that much has changed. It’s just a nice coincidence that we’ve both ended up in the same city now.”

The two exchanged numbers and got dinner to catch up following the initial conversation in that museum, and from there, the texting and spending time together when both had time off became more and more frequent.

“I think there was one week recently where I basically saw him every day I was in town, even on game days,” Vietor said. “It’s nice to finally know someone in this city who isn’t a teammate that I can take my dog to the dog park with, or just hang out with.”

“He’s a really great friend,” Favreau said. “I like that being around him is like a break from this wall to wall news cycle I work in, and I like to think that I can be that break from hockey that he probably needs sometimes. I know that when I played I definitely needed that from time to time.”

 

   

 **nicole!** 🔮 🔒  @nhlaribindi  
i cannot bELIEVE nerd tommy hockey is CONFIRMED. BY THE GUY I SAW HIM WITH. YOU GUYS!!!!!  
|  
as u can see i’m doing great do not @ me at this time

 

 

🐝 🔒  @vietor_detour_  
KSFMKJD I’M SCREAMING THAT FEATURE IN THE ATHLETIC G U Y S  
|  
HE ALWAYS THINKS HES RIGHT??????? WHO SAID IT  
|  
“He’s a giant nerd,” ARE YOU KIDDING ME WELLNESS CHECK ON @nhlaribindi  
|  
i can’t believe lovett gave us this GIFT of an article wow  
|  
**lutz** 🔒  @two_buck_chuck  
i think the main takeaway from lovett’s column is that they’re in love thanks

 

 

Tommy’s tapping his foot impatiently, waiting for the knock on the door to signal him that his glorified dogsitter is here. Jon’s later than he said he would be, and Tommy’s already a little stressed about a lot of stuff; the Caps are in the playoffs now, no question, but where they’re at in the standings now fully depends on their swing through California. (Which, why is it at the end of the season? Who the fuck decided that?) He rolls his neck, groaning a little, and then there’s a knock. Lucca perks up; she knows who it is.

She’s at the door before Tommy can get there, but unfortunately she can’t actually open the door, so Tommy does.

“Hi,” Tommy says, leaning in to kiss Jon.

“Hey. Sorry, there was traffic downtown.”

“No worries, I still a little while til I have to go. You can come in.”

Jon comes further into the apartment and scoops up Lucca on his way to the living room. “You mind if we talk quickly?”

Tommy’s pretty sure everything is okay, can’t see any reason _why_ there would be anything wrong, but still—being asked to “talk” is worrying.

“We’re okay, right?”

Jon nods. “There’s just something I need to tell you, or uh, show you?” He pushes the sleeve of his shirt up and holds out his arm. “So that's my soulmark.”

And there it is, the words “ _He always thinks he’s right_ ” on Jon’s skin.

“Jon, I—”

“Wait, just listen, please. I’m not expecting you to remember, because I didn’t even realize it at first, but you said that to me,” Jon says. “You’re my soulmate, Tommy.”

“When did I say it? I trust you, but I don’t remember it.”

Jon takes his phone out of his pocket, unlocks it and clicks a few times before handing his phone over to Tommy, and sure enough, the words are there right at the top of Lovett’s article. He instinctively touches his wrist guard, twisting it around. It’s impossible not to think about his own words now. He hands Jon’s phone back to him.

“When did you realize? I have so many questions, I’m sorry, I just—This is a lot, Jon.”

“The first time I read Lovett’s article,” Jon says.

“That article was published a month and a half ago,” Tommy says. “You knew, and you kept it from me for a month and a half?”

“Don’t you think I wanted to tell you?”

“Then why didn’t you?!”

“Because I respect you, and I respect what you want, Tommy,” Jon says.

For some reason, these words hit Tommy _hard_. It hurts that Jon has known, it really does, but his reason for not saying anything almost makes enough sense that Tommy is conflicted in how to feel about everything happening.

“You didn’t want this and I know that, so that’s why I waited,” Jon continues. “It started to feel wrong that you didn’t know, and there I was, thinking of you as my soulmate whenever we did anything together. We can pretend that this never happened, or you can look at your wrist, or we can go on knowing that you’re my soulmate, but I might not be yours. I’m not forcing you to do anything. I still want this to be an us thing.”

“Thank you for telling me,” Tommy says. “And thank you for giving me a choice.”

“We said no more secrets, so,” Jon shrugs.

“We did, and then you kept a pretty big one from me for over a month.”

“I just want you to see my side of this,” Jon says. “What would you have done if this was reversed?”

Tommy stops and takes a second to actually think about this. And the thing is, he has no clue what he would have done in this situation. He believes that Jon respects him, and wasn’t ill-intentioned in waiting to tell him. He believes that Jon is going to give him a choice, and he believes that Jon will respect whatever choice he does make. It doesn’t make any of this easier to navigate.

He could say all of that, but all that manages to come out is, “I don’t know.”

“That’s okay,” Jon says, as earnest as he ever is. Tommy can tell that he really means it, and isn’t just saying it.

“I think I want time with all of this,” Tommy says. “I need to figure out what I want to do on my own.”

“You deserve that. I can still take Lucca, if that’s okay with you, but I’m going to head out now.” Jon’s still sitting on the couch, holding Lucca. She looks content to stay there all day.

“Yeah, I don’t really have anyone else to watch her.”

“Leo loves whenever we dogsit her, so it’s not a big deal,” Jon says. “You probably have to get to the airport soon, so.”

“Thank you again,” Tommy says, once they’re standing on opposite sides of the hallway. “For dogsitting, and your honesty.”

“Anytime,” Jon says. “Good luck on the road trip.”

The apartment is too quiet once Tommy shuts the door. No dog, no Jon, just Tommy and his thoughts left to make sense of how to move forward with this.

He thinks about it as he packs up some last minute stuff, and every outcome of this scenario for Tommy, every possibility, every last one circles back to _but I love him_.

Tommy can’t let Jon be the one who got away. He just can’t.

 

 

If this were a rom-com, maybe Tommy wouldn’t have gotten on the plane, but this isn’t a rom-com, and they both have jobs and lives, not the kind of lives they can just pause to work out relationships. This time apart was going to happen no matter what, but it’s so much worse when Tommy and Jon are—for all intents and purposes—on a break.

These are some of the most important games they’ll play all season, but Tommy has been subpar at best in two out of the three they’ve played so far.

He’s sitting in a hotel room in Anaheim when he finally acts on the impulse he’s had all week, stronger than ever, to take the guard off. First, though, he pulls up Lovett’s article again. He remembers the way the words looked on Jon’s wrist, wonders if the words on his wrist will look like that, too.

(“He always thinks he’s right.”

“That’s because I usually am.”)

His right hand is shaking a little as he undoes the velcro of the guard, tough after being closed for as long as it has been.

He knows what he wants to see when he looks down, but he can’t bring himself to do it yet, doesn’t feel ready for the possibility that what he expects could be far from his reality.

But when he does look down, it’s—right there. There it is, exactly what he hoped it would be, “ _That’s because I usually am._ ” in the same black lettering as Jon’s words.

Tommy could cry, he’s so fucking relieved.

“Fuck,” Tommy says out loud, even though he’s alone.

He almost takes a picture and sends it to Jon out of habit, but it feels like the kind of conversation that should be saved for when they can be in the same room, talking face to face. It isn’t something Tommy really wants to tell Jon for the first time over text. It’s another two days before that conversation can happen, but Tommy already feels lighter just from knowing himself. Still, he puts the guard back on for now because this is an old habit that’s going to take a while to kill. He’s too used to having it on, plus, it would definitely be noticeable when he shows up to the rink without it.

He doesn’t have to constantly see the words to know they’re there. He knows they’re there, and that’s what matters.

Tommy scores the first hat trick of his career later that night, and he’s pretty sure he knows exactly why.

 

 

The flight back into D.C. is brutal because it’s turbulent as hell, but also because it’s the only thing left between him and hopefully finally talking to Jon about the realizations he’d had earlier in the week.

 

 **text to: jon** **  
** hey jon. i just landed. will you be around later tonight? i want to pick up lucca, but i also want to talk.

 **text from: jon**  
did ronan not tell you i’m in boston?

 **text to: jon**  
where is my dog

 **text from: jon**  
she’s with lovett, ronan was supposed to tell you because i didn’t know if you wanted to talk to me..  
i drove up to boston two days ago to see family. i just needed a break from d.c.

 **text to: jon** **  
** i really want to talk in person  
we have a game in boston two days from now. will you still be there?

 **text from: jon**  
i’ll still be here

 **text to: jon**  
can we talk before my game?

 **text from: jon** **  
** yeah, of course.  
i hope you’re doing well, i miss you

 **text to: jon** **  
** miss you too.

 

 

Tommy’s life has boiled down to going through the motions in the hours until the flight to Boston. He goes to practice, he goes home, he takes Lucca to the dog park, he packs for a much shorter trip than the last one. At some point in between there, he takes the guard off of his wrist and puts it in a drawer. If he’s doing this, he’s doing it all the way. If any of Tommy’s teammates notice it’s gone on the flight up to Boston, they don’t say anything about it.

Jon is one of the best parts of Tommy’s life—why would he ever want to hide that now that he knows it’s there?

 

 **text to: jon**  
where are you? i have about three hours before the bus is leaving

 **text from: jon**  
you’re not coming to my parents’ house

 **text to: jon** **  
** maybe i should

 **text from: jon**  
absolutely not i’m coming to your hotel  
send me the address and room number

 

Tommy is lying on his bed, half-dozing off, when a knock at the door jolts him awake. He rubs his eyes as he walks toward the door, and takes a deep breath before he opens it.

Jon is standing there and he looks tired, but still so beautiful, and there isn’t much Tommy can do but cup his face and pull him in for a kiss right then and there.

“Hi to you too,” Jon says, once he’s pulled back.

“Come inside,” Tommy says. “I want to talk.”

Tommy is wearing a t-shirt and it makes the lack of a guard much more noticeable. Jon follows him into the room, so he can’t see Jon’s face in the moment it clicks, just hears him say, “Your wrist…” before they’re facing each other again.

“You’re observant,” Tommy jokes.

“Where is your guard?” Jon asks.

“It’s at home.” Tommy goes to twist the guard, but realizes too late that his go-to nervous habit is gone now. “I made up my mind. I choose you.”

“Does that mean we’re—”

“I keep looking at my wrist like it might disappear, but it’s there,” Tommy holds out his arm for Jon to see. “You said that to me.”

Tommy thinks Jon might say something, but instead, he pulls Tommy into a hug, and they stand there for a minute, holding each other tightly.

“When did you take the guard off?” Jon asks, a little later on when they’re lying in bed together. There hadn’t been a whole lot of talking once they’d hugged. Words were replaced with kisses and hands and—they didn’t really have to say anything at all for how they felt to come across. The words would surely come later.

“Uh, four days ago?”

“I deserve not being told right away,” Jon says, a hint of self-deprecation in his tone.

“I swear I didn’t keep it from you to get back at you,” Tommy says. “I wanted to tell you in person. I wanted you to be able to see my soulmark and I wanted to be able to kiss you.”

Jon hums. “I’m glad it’s you.”

“It’s still weird to _know_ because I’d hoped for so fucking long, but I’m so glad it’s you,” Tommy says.

“You hoped it was me?”

“Of course I did,” Tommy says. “We were basically—wait, can we just say we’re dating now? All of my weirdness is gone, so, like, please date me.”

“Nerd,” Jon teases. “Sure, I’ll date you.”

 

 

 **lutz** 🔒  @two_buck_chuck  
call me crazy but i’m,, pretty sure tommy is not covering his soulmark in his postgame

 

 

At the beginning of the season, Tommy wasn’t expecting much. He hoped it’d be a mostly quiet post-Cup season, maybe a shakeup at the trade deadline, but nothing huge.

He didn’t expect a really early trade, and he certainly didn’t expect that in that fresh start, he’d find a place and a _person_ that feel like home. It’s not how he pictured any of the soulmate stuff happening, but now he has a soulmate who he loves, who maybe he wouldn’t have met otherwise. It’s like—he was always meant to end up here, and when he looks down at his wrist, it’s obvious why.

The first round of the playoffs flies by and after sweeping New York in four, there’s a little bit of downtime. By the time the quarterfinals roll around, Jon basically spends every night at Tommy’s apartment. There wasn’t really a conversation about it. It just sort of happened, but it’s working for them. Everything is going really well, but—

Losing in the conference finals fucking sucks. There’s really no other way to put it.

It’s hard to get so close and come up short, especially now that Tommy knows what it’s like to go all the way,.

They get eliminated in a matinee game, so Tommy can’t even come home in the dark, crawl into bed and sleep until his alarm goes off for clear-out. When he gets home, Jon is watching something on TV. Leo and Lucca are napping on the armchair across the room.

“I’m sorry,” Jon says.

“What can you do?” Tommy shrugs. “We all want a better ending, but we’re making do with this one.”

“How about we order food and watch a movie? Whatever you want. It won’t completely change your ending, but hopefully I can help make it a little better.”

Tommy nods, and doesn’t say anything else, just drops down onto the couch next to Jon.

It still feels a little bit like the end of the world, the way losing always does, but having Jon here to soften that is a good feeling. This certainly wasn’t what he expected, but damn, if Tommy doesn’t feel like the luckiest guy in the world to have it now.


End file.
